Numb
by Saitou Amaya
Summary: Aoshi has come to relise what he has become. He is cold and emotionless, dewling on the past. He speaks to Misao and confronts his feelings for her.


Though I wish I did, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any Linkin Park lyrics. now on with the story. By the way this is in Aoshi's point of view. Now hold on tight and don't fall in!! (it's a weird joke. don't mind it. Its referring to not falling into the toilet) takes deep breath okay well here it is, my first fanfic.  
  
I'm sitting in the temple meditating. Really, I'm thinking. Why have I become so emotionless? I wasn't always like this. I used to be a normal kid, but after my parents died, all I felt was emptiness. At the age of 15, I became the Oniwabanshu's leader. Soon I became obsessed with blood and killing.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless  
  
Lost under the surface  
  
I don't know what your expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure  
  
Of walking in your shoes  
  
Later, I watched my men from Oniwabanshu die before my eyes. I am still scarred emotionally, though I would never admit it. I can still replay the horrific event in my mind. The gaggling gun, shooting out so many bullets, and one by one shooting down my comrades- no- friends. Soon after, I lost it all. My sanity became a blurry memory.  
  
Every step I take is another mistake to you  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Become so tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you  
  
Then Battousi brought me back to reality. He helped me regain some of my sanity and said the rest was up to me. I wanted to become human again. I wanted to talk and laugh and cry with Misao and everyone else. I just didn't know if I could. But today was that day. The day I would tell Misao everything. Then my thoughts dragged back to all my dead family and friends. Would they be proud of me?  
  
Can't you see that your smothering me  
  
Holding too tightly  
  
Afraid to loose control  
  
Cause everything you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
I heard someone enter the room and automatically recognized the ki. It was Misao- perfect timing. I decided it really was time to talk to her. I just hope she won't cry. It hurts me to see her cry- especially when I know it's me that is causing her pain. Maybe I'm not so cold after all. Misao sits down next to me with her usual tray of tea. She pours me a cup, then a cup for herself. I gaze down into the cup of sea green tea in my hands and see my cold, hard eyes staring back at me. They look so sad and lonely. "Misao" I say quietly, setting down my cup of tea. She looks up at me with question in her innocent blue-green eyes. "Yes, Aoshi-sama?" Misao says, puzzled by my words.  
  
Every step I take is another mistake to you  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
I admit, the great Shinomori Aoshi was nervous. Nervous to show his own emotions. It's amazing how someone can go through so many battles yet still fear something as simple as emotions. Showing emotions is all so new to me. Misao is still curiously looking into my sea blue eyes. It's almost as if she is searching for answers in my eyes. Some people say that a person's eyes are the gate to their emotions. I wonder what Misao sees in my eyes? Does she see the cold, lonely eyes that everyone else sees or something else? "We need to talk" I say to her. Misao just nods her head, waiting for me to continue. I take a breath to calm my jumbled nerves. "I now realize that I have become so emotionless, so cold. Misao, will you help me?" I say.  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Become so tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you  
  
After saying that, I felt so much better, but I still know that after so many emotionless, lonely years, it would take a long time to be truly happy.  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone  
  
Disappointed in you  
  
I look into Misao's beautiful eyes and see them dancing with happiness. "Oh, Aoshi-sama!" she cried and she threw her arms around me.  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Become so tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you  
  
"Please Misao, just call me Aoshi" I whisper to Misao. I wrap my arms around Misao and just hold her. We stay like this and it feels very good. I haven't felt this loved or been held like this since my parents were alive. A single tear escapes my eye. "Aoshi?"Misao asked, looking into my sad eyes. We look into each other's eyes "Aoshi, why are you crying?" Misao asks quietly. "I have forgotten how it feels to be hugged. It feels wonderful. Thank you Misao" I say. She brushes off my tears of happiness and hugs me again. I can tell just by the way she hugs me that she really loves me. Do I feel the same? Yes, I know I do. But why would Misao want me? I'm so cold. No one wants to be around me. I show no emotions in return. I don't feel happiness, saddness or even love like other people.  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
"Misao, why do you care about me when everyone else avoids me?" I ask. "Because your you, Aoshi. I love you." Misao says. I can see and feel the love radiating out of Misao's bright eyes. "Misao" I whisper and kiss her with just as much passion as I feel for the girl in my arms. She is surprised, but kisses me back. This first kiss of our's is full of love, but also of many years of pain. I didn't expect myself to kiss Misao but I have no regrets. Holding her in my arms is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt I can feel all my emotions pouring out straight from my still healing heart. I break our kiss to tell her three very important and special words. "Misao, I love you" I tell her.  
  
Okay done!! be nice if you review please!! by the way this is the only chapter so don't expect more.


End file.
